Thinking about joining a gym so you look sexy in your bathing suit? Before you do, there are some vital components you need to know about your location of said workouts – things the membership coordinator won’t tell you. For starters, no matter how hard exercisers try, it’s often an impossible feat to look cool; it just doesn’t work. Sometimes the harder you try to look sexy the more you look like a buffoon. It’s okay. Embrace it.
Starting In The Locker Room
Someone please tell me how to be politically correct while talking to a naked person. I don’t know how to do this. I can appreciate that we’re all women and we have God-given bodies and there’s no reason to be ashamed. But, please, put a towel on before you attempt to carry on a conversation with me.
It’s not like I can focus on what you’re saying. I’m a fully bona fide heterosexual female, but when someone’s high beams (or worse yet saggies) are staring at me, I CANNOT CONVERSE WITH YOU. ‘Can’t do it. It’s not cool.
And must you take your naked behind and sit squarely (or roundly for many) on the bench? Please hop into your pantywear before sitting down. I know some fitness enthusiasts at least use a towel, but hey, those are community towels. I don’t’ want to wipe my face on a towel you’ve been sitting on – bleach or no. I am serious. Be naked, be happy, but be considerate.
The Actual Fitness Floor
…not always the best place to be cool and hip. I recall when I was earning my Black Belt. I participated in Tae Kwon Do three times per week. As part of the stretching exercises, we were instructed to lie on the floor, then take our feet and put them over/behind our head. This contortion stretched out our back muscles. No problem, right? I’m sure some of you ladies are familiar with this position, but that’s a different conversation.
Realize that when we did this at the gym we are all laying there, caboose pointing upward. Talk about assuming the position! Invariably, I would run into someone from school who was in the gym to sit on the sidelines while little Jimmy had T-ball. “Yes, hello Mary, why yes, I am smiling at you, nice to see you… upside down in this position with my booty sticking straight up in the air! Yep, yes indeed, that is a tramp stamp that I have. Lovely isn’t it? And yes, tattoos do hurt, they’re needles for gosh sakes.”
As if that little exercise wasn’t bad enough, there was more. We did countless kicks and stretches with our legs. You’ve seen karate people; the objective is to kick as high as you can (all the better to kick you in the head!). So it’s easy to see why we all ended up with wedgies. Always; everyday; everyone. Ok, I guess I can only speak for myself, but I did.
I never knew if I was supposed to throw caution to the wind and dig ‘em on out, or was I to just tolerate it? The guys sure didn’t seem to mind adjusting their cup, so what’s the big deal, right?
One day I decided to wear a thong to avoid the wedgie. I figured if they were going to end up there, I might as well just cut to the chase (and I do mean cut). Did you know that you can get a thong wedgie too? Not good. Not cool.
So while you’re considering how to best get into your swim suit body – please think twice before joining a gym. There are certain things you really need to know up front. I hope I have been able to illustrate a few for you.
About Laurie Ayers
Laurie Ayers lives in her ginormous mansion on the top of West Michigan, right by the summit, with her two teens, a basset hound and her future husband, whom she hasn’t met yet, and her computer. While she likes to say she is independently wealthy and pays for everything with her good looks, she sometimes needs to use currency, which she earns from her direct sales business as a Superstar Director with Scentsy. Find her at www.ThrivingCandleBusiness.com