1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 7 Billion people… and I’M STILL SINGLE*
I haven’t dated in over 18 years. I’ve been single for 18 years. There might be a correlation. I don’t have a desire to date. I do have a desire to not die alone, so the lack of willingness to do the dating thing may become problematic at some point.
If you are middle-aged and newly single or perhaps have been uncoupled for a while, you may already know of what I speak.
The Pickins are Slim.
Before you read my synopsis below, I humbly request no hate mail please. I realize there are exceptions to every rule, just not sure where you’re hiding.
If you go younger, then you’re a cougar. By definition, a cougar is a woman aged 40 years or older who preys on younger men. During a hunt, she can often be spotted by her leopard print outfit, which makes her feel and look younger. Cougars? Back in my day we just called them what they are: Old Whores. Hey – wait a minute! I have leopard print boots that I like to wear because they’re fun, not because I’m a cougar. Egads, have I been sending the wrong signal? But I digress…
If you try to find someone your own age they’re more likely to be freshly divorced, bitter or wounded and full of debt and child support. Or worse yet, they’re not divorced, they’re never married because they have serious trust and commitment issues or they’re still living at home mooching off family and friends. Or worser yet (hush, it’s a word now) there are married.
If you go older, it’s harder to find a single older man who is a good catch. Either they’re married, freshly divorced and the ex- took the house, retirement and any scrap of dignity left or they’ve really let themselves go health and appearance wise and don’t have much to offer.
A funny anecdote about going older: I recently took another trip to one of my favorite cities, DC. Before I left I told my girls that my goal was to meet a Senator and that I was going to pick an old one. “That way you can have a dad and a grandpa. You can call him ‘Grampdad’.” They weren’t amused. I believe their response was “Mom! Stop! That’s gross.” I thought it was funny. Still do.
So where does that leave you? Lesbianism? Perhaps. What other options are there out there? Well, someone who is single and hasn’t dated in 18 years isn’t the best candidate to give dating advice, so I won’t even try. I do know a thing or two about being happily single. Being alone doesn’t necessarily need to equate to being lonely. Do I get lonely? Sure, of course I do; but it doesn’t define me and I don’t dwell on it. I’m pretty happy in my own skin and have figured out years ago that my happiness does not depend on other people.
The one thing I do miss is going to social activities with someone.
I don’t mind eating alone, traveling alone or going to the movies alone. You shouldn’t talk with food in your mouth; trips alone are relaxing; and you shouldn’t be giving commentary at the movies anyway. I am not in a place where I will go to a concert or social gathering alone. I’d rather stay home and watch Big Bang Theory or do a jigaw puzzle than go be a wallflower somewhere.
I work at home as a solopreneur so meeting someone at work is not likely to happen and I have less than zero desire to join a dating site. If it happens, it happens, but I am not about to try to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. And no, that’s not a euphemism for anything other than one Rated G.
So what’s my point if I’m not offering you any practical advice how middle aged women can date? See above; this isn’t a How To post, it’s a post alerting others that Middle Age Dating is Not Pretty.
But to ensure you don’t feel cheated now that you’ve made it this far, here’s my free advice: Don’t fret. (Another reason I may still be single if I’m using words like ‘fret’.)
Be happily single.
You’re complete with or without a partner. Just don’t let yourself go. Your 25- or 30- year class reunion is coming up and you want your classmates to say Wow! Not Whoa!
*Saw that opening line on Twitter.
About Laurie Ayers
Laurie Ayers lives in her ginormous mansion on the top of West Michigan, right by the summit, with her two teens, a basset hound and her future husband, whom she hasn’t met yet, and her computer. While she likes to say she is independently wealthy and pays for everything with her good looks, she sometimes needs to use currency, which she earns from her direct sales business as a Superstar Director with Scentsy. Find her at www.ThrivingCandleBusiness.com